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Great Sex Life
It is perhaps a shame that while we live in one of the most advanced cultures in the world and yet know so little about how to make each other happy in that most human of all endeavors, sex. With a few small additions to your sexual vocabulary you can break out of boredom and lead happier, more satisfying sex lives. Here in this FAQ we'll look at three important additions to one's sex life: position, time, and location.
Man on top.
Everybody starts
out in this so-called "missionary position": man on top, woman on the
bottom, face-to-face. It's where we were when most of us lost our virginity.
This position gets a lot of bad press these days because it's
"old-fashioned," or perhaps because it's "patriarchal."
Actually, there's nothing wrong with this position; it affords excellent support
for thrusting, close intimate contact between lovers, and is an ideal position
for conception. The woman may lie with her legs spread wide and to the sides, or
may draw them up to her chest. In either position, the man cannot reach her
vulva for manual stimulation although in the first he can reach her breasts.
A variation on this position is for the
woman to sit in a chair or on the edge of a low bed, thus allowing the man to
kneel on the floor for thrusting. For heavyset men it can reduce the weight he
places upon his partner, and allows for both partners to reach their genitals.
Although technically regarded as "superior" to traditional missionary
position by many sex therapists, most people who actually have sex feel this
position is less "intimate."
A third variant of man-on-top is one in
which the woman lies on her stomach and the man penetrates her from behind. For
many women, this position can stimulate the G-spot; however, it can also cause
the penis to strike the cervix, causing pain. While this position has many of
the disadvantages of any position where two people are not face-to-face, it is
still popular with some couples.
Woman on top.
This position is
highly recommended in the few "how to lose your virginity" manuals
still lying around, mostly because it allows the woman to fully control the
speed at which sex occurs. There are several different positions classified as
"woman on top." The most common is that she straddles his hips, taking
his penis inside her, and then lies atop him, either with her legs bent or
stretched out. She may also choose to just sit straight up atop him, sliding up
and down; this position is both visually stimulating for the man and allows him
to play with her breasts freely.
Occassionally in adult movies one may
see this position done with the woman facing away from her partner. While the
sensations giving to both partners in this position are very different and may
be very stimulating, most people feel the loss of intimacy involved is not worth
the difference.
Sitting.
This position is
for sex in slow motion; the angles are all wrong for any sort of vigorous
thrusting. The man sits in a chair or cross-legged on the floor while the woman
sits astride him, usually face-to-face although it can work equally well if she
faces away. This position is good for caressing and intimacy. Some people
recommend rocking chairs for this position.
Standing.
Reminiscent of "quickies" and illicit sex in
alleyways, standing is actually one of the more complicated positions to
achieve, at least face-to-face. Insertion can be difficult; standing, the vagina
is not tilted forward for easy access. Since women are on average shorter than
their male partners this position may require a short footstool or convenient
staircase step to make it possible. At any rate, someone may want a friendly
wall to hold both of them up during this act.
Another variant of standing is similar
to the third one in man- on-top; the woman faces the wall or bookcase or
whatever she's using to hold herself up and the man penetrates her vagina from
behind. This position is considerably easier than face-to-face standing, and
many people like it for it's "naughty" or "illicit"
connotations.
Side-by-side
These positions
all mirror the "on top" positions, except that the partners now lie on
their sides on the bed. They can be achieved face-to-face, at an angle or from
behind. The one difficulty with this position face-to-face is that someone has
to rest their leg atop their partners; after only a few minutes this sometimes
causes cramping and pain. Done when the woman faces away from the man, it can be
slow, relaxing; one can almost fall asleep comfortably like this. In this
position, it is known as "spooning." (The term applies mostly to the
act of sleeping in that position, not necessarily the act of sex.)
Rear-entry
Although several
positions already described can also be covered under this term, most people use
this term to describe the position in which the woman kneels on her hands and
knees while the man enters her from behind. Some people strongly dislike this
position because of the lack of intimacy and the suggestion of male
"dominance"; others like it for the freedom and strength that can be
employed during the act of intercourse. The term "doggy style" has
been employed to describe this position in the past, although this descriptive
is inaccurate at best.
When should we have sex?
When you have sex is a decision you will start to make
only after you've gotten through the initial "all the time!" stage.
Eventually, though, any person will develop a habit of making love with a
certain pattern. Acquiring that pattern is the start of boredom; breaking that
pattern can be the road to a new discovery.
If you and your partner are prone to
making love only at night, try it for breakfast instead. Run home during lunch
for a quickie. No time is more significant to lovemaking than any other, except
that the time be good for both you and your partner.
Where should we have sex?
In bed, to start with. Seriously, there is no
"better" place to make love than a bed. It's designed to hold people
lying down; it's even designed for them to be a little rambunctious.
However, like time of day, location can
become boring with repetition. Moving your sex life into a different room can be
as much of a change as night and day. For starters, try the living room; most
have a couch. Spread a blanket on the floor, start a fire in the fireplace if
you have one, feed each other small, intimate snacks like grapes and champagne,
and enjoy. A quickie on the kitchen floor (so popular since Indecent Proposal)
can be fun as well.
What about the shower?
The shower, as well as the swimming pool, have their disadvantages. For one thing, lubricant doesn't last very long in environments of such overwhelming volumes of water. For another, usually the only position available is standing, with all of the attendant problems of differences in height. Another common problem is that the floor of most bathtubs is very slippery, especially if you spill lubricant on it! However, it's frequently the only place other than the bedroom where both of you are likely to be comfortable and naked, especially in winter. Don't let all the "problems" listed here stop you from trying out what could become one of your favorite places to make love.
And outdoors?
Having sex outdoors has its own challenges and rewards. Many people feel that sex outdoors is closer to nature; others feel it is more illicit, "in full view of the whole sky." If you're going to have sex outdoors in any position other than standing, plan ahead of time to bring a blanket. Avoid using bug spray and sun block until afterwards-- both taste awful. On the other hand, sunburns on your genitals can be excrutiating; take care.
Caveat lover...
Having sex in strange places is a turn-on for many. How strange a place you want to make love is a matter of some concern of course, since outside of the privacy of your own home, having sex in full view is likely to arouse the interest of the local constabulary. Getting arrested for public indecency is likely to catch the attention of your employer as well. Plan any such dalliances in advance and scope out your intended rendezvous point for possible problems, interruptions, and routes of escape if necessary. And whatever you do, put your used condoms and wrappers in the trash can; stopping litter isn't just good citizenship, here's it's a matter of sheer good taste.
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