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After taking a poll from women about kissing men...here's what they have to say....
For myself, I don't judge whether a man will be a good lover based on the way he kisses, although it's a factor among others. I judge a man on whether he is paying attention to me based on how he kisses. Based on that (as well as many other things), I judge whether he is actually a good man to be with, both physically and emotionally.
Basically, I'm a woman who likes to control the kiss, AT FIRST. I don't think men know how a woman likes to be kissed until he actually kisses her. So, for me, a man must allow me to show him how I like to be kissed by letting me kiss him. That way, he knows how my mouth moves, when it opens to allow a deeper kiss, and how my body acts during the kiss.
A man who goes full-throttle, open-mouthed & tongue flailing at the very start, is of no use to me and is summarily rejected if he wants to go further. However, a man who takes his time, is patient, and willing to allow me to get accustomed to him, his body, on my own terms is a man for whom I could definitely find myself making breakfast.
Basically, a man who kisses as if he knows what *every* woman wants, or should want, is to be avoided. A man who kisses as if he is exploring a woman, taking the time to find out what she likes because she is different and an individual, is to be sought after.
Just my .02,
Jenny Berger
http://www.malleron.com
I can honestly say I don't and have never judged a man on the way his kisses to the extent that I would end or proceed in a relationship with him based on his ability. Good kissing is relative to how much you desire him, and how passionate he feels towards you.
I've had some really great kissers that could knock my socks off and other items of clothing given time... and what makes them great is there ability to be sensuous and slow with movement... what leads up to the kiss is what makes it worthwhile.
I've also had bad kissers... mainly because they are sloppy, wet gooey ones. Women should never have to wipe there mouth after being kissed. It's a kiss not a drool fest. There are also those men that act as if a woman has cooties by being very stingy with the tongue or very rigid with their lips. The key is to be soft and gentle. And if you don't have a clue... follow the woman's lead. Try kissing her as she does you. Generally woman will use techniques that would feel good to them on you and hope for the same.
Women will give subtle hints to what feels good, and if your kiss is bad it can be changed, just pay attention or ask "How do you like it?." What works for some doesn't always work for others. The key is to make her feel wanted and desired. That is what makes a good lover. Bad lovers don't pay attention. They are centered on there needs and don't give enough thought to what turns a woman on.
It's no mistake that a man who kisses well will likely do other things well. Kissing is a way of getting acquainted and you want to find out who you're dealing with and what she likes (which will depend on what she's used to). A good kiss is one that explores and invites, that seems like a conversation. It should be tentative at first, and soft. He should pay attention to her responses and conduct himself accordingly.
A friend of mine always said you could tell what kind of lover a man would be by the way he dances. Rhythm can be very important. Good kissing can be learned, so can good lovemaking. (Read a women's book, guys.) The key is to not get caught up on performance.
Part 2
Judging a man by his kissing technique is like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. Nobody is perfect; a bad kisser could have a brilliant personality, and vice versa. If he is good then I'll feel more comfortable with him, therefore making the grounds of the relationship firmer. But if he is considerably bad, then I must admit, it would refrain me from kissing him too often, and I would be tense when he tried, therefore the relationship would probably never happen the way it would of if he was good.
However, it would be fairly shallow of me to entirely judge a man by this, and if he is worth having a relationship with, then something small like the way he kisses can be changed in time. My advice to men is don't rush into a deep passionate kiss without taking note of how she likes the gentler kisses; don't run before you can walk. I personally don't like quick and hard kisses, they give me the impression that he is just playing and isn't romantic or sensitive. - Clare
Kissing tips - start softly and gently and let the passion build. Too much, too strong, too soon turns a woman off.
Yes, I do judge a man's "lover potential" on how he kisses. I think that if he is a "prude" kisser (ie: stiff, no variety, quick and without any passion) he will also be prude in bed. It makes sense doesn't it? I can't imagine a man who is an exciting, passionate and adventurous kisser NOT also being an exciting, passionate and adventurous lover...and vice versa. Also, it is a really bad sign if a man does not want to kiss, does not seem to enjoy kissing and does not have the desire to kiss on a regular basis. It usually isn't until I kiss a man (and not just a peck) that I really feel those physical sparks.
There are definitely exceptions to this. I don't think that all good kissers are good lovers. I think there are a lot of men out there who kiss well because they have kissed so many women, and some of those men are just plain arrogant and don't care about the woman. I definitely wouldn't judge a man entirely on his kissing style.
On the question of a good kisser...well, first I believe you can't judge a man's love making style on his kissing. What makes him a good kisser to one woman may be different to another woman. just as the sexual techniques that drive one woman wild may leave another woman filing her nails and asking:" Are you done yet?"
Recently, I found myself critiquing 2 different men on their kissing styles. I tried to let each know what they did that I didn't like so that they could improve. One kisser had pushed his head forward so far toward mine that I felt trapped between the back of the couch and his head. it felt like something out one of those swashbuckling romance novels. A girl should have a couple inches available behind her head to back away (and maybe come up for air) during parts of the kiss. Otherwise its too overwhelming.
The other kisser, (well, actually he had 2 problems, but I only told him about one). The first was that he assumed I wanted to French kiss. WRONG!! Go in for the regular kiss, feel her out. She if she would be receptive to a French kiss. Then proceed G-R-A-D-U-A-L-L-Y-. (That's the part I didn't tell him.) The second problem was that his lower teeth were ground down a bit (by his dentist) and quite sharp. The were like sandpaper against my tongue and lips. So I let him know and it went a bit gentler after that. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I have a lot to learn too. some guys want their tongue to feel like its stuck in a vacuum cleaner, some don't. (I don't)
Yes, we rate a man based upon his kiss. It goes back to the old wives tale that your husband is supposed to make your knees weak with his kiss. A kiss is like a romantic handshake, it's your calling card. If a kiss is rushed too soon, or too sloppy, or too hungry, the effect is the same as a weak or too-friendly handshake... we're turned off. And the old adage rings true - never trust a man who keeps his eyes open when he kisses. Kathy from New York
Part 3
How a man kisses determines a lot of things for me. If a man is a bad kisser, well, that's probably the last time we will see each other. I sometimes give them a second chance, because first kisses can be very nerve racking, therefore may have just been a nervous kiss. So, yes, in a way, I guess women do relate kissing with how a man does other things. I just really hadn't thought about it until now.
For me a good kiss doesn't involve a lot of tongue. Don't get me wrong, a little tongue is not bad. I just hate when a man uses his tongue more than he kisses with his lips, that is why it's called kissing, not tonguing! Just inserting the tongue somewhat and resume back to the lips. I think this is basically what you will hear from the majority of women. I hope this helps some of you men out!
http://community.webtv.net/LilMiss25/Jennifer
I haven't even thought of judging somebody's relationship-potential based on the way they kiss. Might be fun to try out, though :-)
I usually try to get an overall impression, especially important to me is what they talk about. (Various subjects or always the same two or three - I don't like boring guys.) Actually, considering my last relationship, that's a rather unreliable way of judging it. He was a fantastic kisser, but he was rather uptight in some areas and had problems communicating or suggesting compromises (probably wouldn't recognize one if it bit him), considered it a given that we spend every free minute together or at least call each other every day.
That kind of thing makes me feel caged, since I need time for myself too. Besides, I don't like feeling as if I have to justify or account for every minute I'm not with him. It's still my life, not his and we hadn't been together long enough to even justify his getting that possessive.
Guys, if you want one major advice, lay off! Don't smother us, we need our space too. If we love you, we're not that easy to get distracted (it might occasionally happen, but very very rarely intentionally). And if we don't love you or not yet, getting on our case is not going to help.
Hmm. I am very forgiving when it comes to "judging" guys. Often TOO forgiving, in fact. The only thing that has ever truly bothered me is when I've had someone just open his mouth as wide as it would go and then plant it over my lips like some strange bottom-feeding fish. I got really wet. No, no, that's not what I mean. I mean, my face was dripping by the time he stopped kissing me. I still liked him, and we went out for a long while, but... but I wish I'd had the nerve to take the initiative to 'teach' him not to kiss that way.
On a more positive note:
nothing, absolutely nothing, can make me feel quite as warm and quivery as an unexpected and undeserved, feather-light kiss on the hand. I'm not sure why, or if I'm the only female who reacts this way, but I know for sure that it works on me in a very warm and instantaneous sort of way. A guy friend did it to me once in a teasing sort of way and my knees just folded up underneath me.
Part 4
With my past experiences a man does not have to kiss well in order to be relationship potential. However, when a man is smooth in his kiss and takes charge it is a definite turn on. From my own personal experience I went on a date with a guy I knew just as a friend for a couple of months. After the date we both knew that the "kiss" was coming up. He didn't seem to make a move on me so I leaned over and kissed his cheek and as I was getting out of the car he took my hand pulled me back and said "this is how you do it" the kiss he gave me was so passionate, and smooth that we still talk about it. We are still together after 2 years. You could say that he was charming from the beginning. - Candice
It's no mistake that a man who kisses well will likely do other things well. Kissing is a way of getting acquainted and you want to find out who you're dealing with and what she likes (which will depend on what she's used to). A good kiss is one that explores and invites, that seems like a conversation. It should be tentative at first, and soft. He should pay attention to her responses and conduct himself accordingly.
A friend of mine always said you could tell what kind of lover a man would be by the way he dances. Rhythm can be very important. Good kissing can be learned, so can good lovemaking. (Read a women's book, guys) The key is to not get caught up on performance. - Canella
It's not just a man's ability to kiss, but his willingness that women judge. I have been involved with the commitmentphobe who initially kisses and woos a woman, but when her interest is sparked--backs off of anything romantic or sensual and avoids eye contact and kissing.
Usually a person who is a good kisser is someone who didn't lose their virginity until later. They had to express themselves sexually through kissing for a while and therefore were forced to become a good kisser. This does not necessarily mean that they are good or bad in bed, but a bad kisser is often someone who didn't need to get good at kissing to get off (in other words got a lot of sex at a relatively young age, when the rest of us were practicing kissing). These are also often people for whom the novelty of sex comes with a new face rather than getting better as you get to know the person you are sleeping with. (Its amazing how many people have not yet figured this out.) Many times good looking guys (and girls as well) are worse in bed than bad looking ones. This is because good looking people have never had to work to turn somebody on. - Saskia
In general, I find that to be true. I went out with someone (whom I had met from one of the paid personal ad sites) whom I liked, but when he started to kiss me, I got turned off. He practically ate my face, slobbering all over the place! I hated it, and the relationship went nowhere. There were other reasons, but his kissing was a big turn-off.
I'm not sure that you would never go out again with a guy who is a bad kisser, but it certainly makes you take pause.
Turn offs in kissing:
* bad breath (very strong garlic or beer when the woman hasn't indulged)
* having a tongue shoved so far into your throat that it stimulates your gag
reflex
* having someone suck around your lips like a vacuum
* having intense, crushing pressure on your lips when you aren't in a frenzy too
Basically, I think it's a matter of sensing where the other person is & responding to it. You start out gentle, no tongue, and work up to tongue, pressure, intensity. You give the other person access to air (eg don't block their nose) and follow where the other person goes. If they are tentative, stay gentle; if excited, get more intense.
I'm not sure if I judge someone's sexual abilities by their kissing; I judge sexual abilities more by what they say and how they dance. If he's selfish, rude, talks about himself, he cares about his own feelings/satisfaction. If he asks about you, he's more likely to be a sensitive lover. It's the same deal as with kissing...he judges where you are & responds in kind, also uses a little creativity. If he dances sensually and creatively, he's aware of his body (and probably more fun). Size is, honestly, irrelevant. - Martha
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