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Jokes
A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?"
"What! Are you crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.
"No! Someone might see us..."
"It's just a small blowjob," he insists, "and I know you'll like it."
"No! I said no!"
"Baby... don't be like that."
Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
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Every week the teacher gave her students an exceptionally hard question to answer. Since the question was given on a Thursday, the reward for getting it right was permission to skip school the next day, giving them an extra long weekend. No one in the class had ever gotten one of these tough questions right. (An example of one of her questions is: How many grains of sand are in the sierra desert?)
One day a boy from the class was outside for recess, playing in the bushes. He discovered two black, rubber balls. He had no idea what they were for, so he just shoved them into his pocket.
When recess was over, everyone gathered for the new question of the week. The teacher began to write it on the board. The boy grabbed the balls from his pocket and threw them at the teacher, hitting her in the back of the head! Astonished, the teacher turned around and yelled, "Who's the comedian with the two black balls? "
The boy then said, "Bill Cosby. See ya next week."
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On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid took the ticket. Before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said, "Well next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
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MALE BASHING 101!!!
Man to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God to Man: "So you would love her."
"But God", Man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God replies: "So she would love you."
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The next day he got married. When he and his new bride were in their honeymoon suite, she walked out of the bathroom stark naked. She said, "Look, honey. Untouched by human hands."
Thinking quickly, he pulled down his pants and said, "Look! Not even out of the crate."
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"Alzheimer's or AIDS?"
A woman went to the doctor's office for a physical. The doctor took a blood
sample and told her to return in one week for the results.
One week later, she and her husband returned to the doctor's office. The doctor took the husband aside and told him, "Sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news. We accidentally mixed your wife's blood sample with another patient's, and we have no idea whose is whose. The bad news is one has Alzheimer's disease, and the other has AIDS. I want you to come back in another week and by then I should have it all sorted out."
The man looked scared and said, "That's terrible, doc, what should I do until then?"
"Well, when you're driving home today, drop her off two blocks away from your house. If she makes it home, don't have sex with her!"
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